Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize