apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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