You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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