i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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