I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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