i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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