Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize