I hate all girls vehemently.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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