Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize