we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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