Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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