I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
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I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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