my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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