I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize