we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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