I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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