dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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