Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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