nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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