The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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