Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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