When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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