he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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