it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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