Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize