I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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