after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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