i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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