I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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