I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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