Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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