I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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