you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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