The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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