Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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