How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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