This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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