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You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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