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It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
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