i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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