they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
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you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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