I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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