I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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