My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
either way he was missing a nipple.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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