You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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