I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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