Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize