great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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