The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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