I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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